I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
