fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
