dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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