just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
