I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
