Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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