just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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