you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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