there's paper in my vomit.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
