Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
