You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
