whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
