just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i dont even know how to be here
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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