He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
