he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
worst night to have a conscience
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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