I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
