I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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