Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
