I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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