The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
