Someone shit on the floor
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
