I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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