just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How external is "for external use only"?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
