and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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