i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
