Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
