guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
