he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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