i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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