You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
