Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
