no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
