i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
