I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
