i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
