Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I met the friendliest cop last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
