we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
