If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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