they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
