I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
