i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
