Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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