Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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