Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
