The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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