You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
