Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
