Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
