bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
