just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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