I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
