omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
