I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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