dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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