I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
